mustard is the fool's condiment

deusvolt:

Captain

Helmsman… do you hate me?

Helmsman

Do I what?

Captain

Do you hate me?

Helmsman

Do I hate you?

Captain

Well?

Helmsman

…with rebellions on the borders, and the now approaching drones, you’re stupid, you’re ill timed, just fuck off, be alone. …Maybe it’s a brain tumor!

Captain

No, Helmsman, I’m giving you an order! Do you hate me?

Helmsman

You’re my boss.

Captain

I know! But do you hate me?

Helmsman

Do I hate you.

Captain:

Well?

Helmsman

…For twenty five sweeps I plot against you, lose your files, kill your staff—poison first mates, flaming rows—after twenty five sweeps why talk about hate right now?

Captain

Helmsman… the first time I saw you, was on Ascension Day. You were sticky—

Helmsman

Sopor slime.

Captain 

I was furious.

Helmsman

…So was I.

Captain

But my lusus and your lusus said we’d find each other useless, so now I’m asking, Helmsman… do you hate me?

Helmsman

I’m your ship!

Captain

I know! But do you hate me?

Helmsman

Do I hate her?

Captain

Well?

Helmsman

For twenty five sweeps I fought for her, bled for her, was maimed for her. Twenty five sweeps of “your blood is piss”—if that’s not hate, what is?

Captain

Then you hate me!

Helmsman

I suppose I do?

Captain

And I… sure fucking hate you too.

Helmsman and Captain

It doesn’t change a thing, but even so… after twenty five sweeps, it’s nice to know.